Dear Teacher :: One Word

Too cool not to re-post this.  Its an email Ali Edwards received from a student.  She teaches workshops about writing, journaling & scrapbooking and this particular one is called One Little Word. 

dear teacher:
i apologize for not doing my homework.
i don’t know what to say. i mean. well.
it is kind of your fault.
you had me pick a word. just one little word.
so i did.
i picked
now.

it is a very tiny word, only three letters.
but see
well
i sort of got too busy living my word to do my homework.
that word.
now.
you can’t always predict what’s going to happen with her in the mix.
and
well
sometimes my homework for olw, well,
it didn’t get on the list
the now
live life list.

so my dog didn’t eat my homework.
i don’t have a dog.
i just didn’t do it.
because i was busy with that word of mine.
i took it on a vacation even.
we’ve been busy together, me and now.

me and my word
well it’s an every day thing.
we are kind of bffs and all.
but last night
i stayed up till 2am
because i couldn’t take it anymore,
me and now,
we wanted alone time together.
so i made the time in the inky quiet black of night.

i sat and listened to 4 months worth of videos
printed out 4 months of handouts and transcripts
jumped without abandon into 4 months of prompts.

and i just wanted to say
you may not see me on the discussion boards
i may not have done my homework on time
but you teach me.
you have changed me.
thank you.

i have a new friend, me and now.
the relationship has changed me
and it is all your fault.
your student

---

Bring On the Potty Party Time

It's not been an easy week.  The kids are beginning to understand just how much they miss Tango.  He was such a good friend and fierce protector.  I had to return his prescription dog food, and the store tried to give me a store credit only.  I asked to speak to the manager and had to explain how that wasn't gonna help. Everywhere I turn it seems like I keep seeing Weimaraners.  Today, Nate asked Didi a question.  He asked if you could taste things in heaven.  He also asked what was in dog’s blood.  She told him that I couldn’t answer the question about tasting in heaven as she didn’t have enough info on what it was like in heaven.  As for the blood question, she said she thought that dog’s blood was probably pretty much like human blood but the proteins were different.  Both answers seemed to work. Clearly he misses Tango and he is on his mind.  Time will heal.  Thank you for all your love and support.

BUT in other news, Lewis is starting to become interested in potty training! Woot woot!!  We may need to consider our options for a more supportive potty chair although it may be very premature.  Also, LJ has gained a little weight in the last 6 weeks.  He is up from 12.2 kg to 12.66 kg.  That's 50% on the Cerebral Palsy growth chart. The nutritionist still thinks he needs more calories in a given day.  Ideally, he needs to surpass his weight (12.7 kg) prior to the tube wean. So we have feed him more calorie dense foods. Bring on the pureed pancakes, with sausage and syrup.  And the pureed Elevation cheeseburger with french fries! It's still progress when you consider his tube is just an accessory now.  We haven't used it for food or drink in over a month.

Eulogy: Tango's Last Tango

He was completely by my side when I was going through the darkest part of my life.  It was completely unconditional love; always by my side or following just behind...sometimes so close I would even trip over him.  Always there next to LJ at the dinner table...managing to get an entire meal of the people food that LJ was just learning to enjoy and explore. Always sleeping on the floor next to Nate's bed. Tango was always looking so regal and proud with his big chest puffed out when he sat.  He was always one to enjoy a good ear scratch behind his big droopy ears.  He could shake his head and always make Nate laugh no matter what mood Nate was in.

We never wanted him to go- but we had to do what was best for Tango and we were on a steady decline ever since he was diagnosed with kidney failure last February.  Despite our wonderful vet's efforts, Tango wasn't acting like himself these past few days.  He would barely eat morsels of bread and he was limping and really lethargic. We knew his suffering was just too great this time. We knew it was best, but our hearts still ache.  Tango was 9.5 years old, which in dog years is a good old age.  He will be greatly missed and always remembered with love.

He knew his time was up and he had done his job: man's best friend. Today is a hard day.

My Littlest Heroes Photo

Many of us cave before impossible tasks, or even tasks that are just a tiny bit difficult.  No doubt life is full of challenges. Everyday offers us an opportunity to effect someone else's life.  We've had our share of difficulties.  Its how we show up for it that makes all the difference.  What transforms us is the situation.  My boys are the warriors.  Jessie is a warrior.  They are my heroes. I celebrate them, and honor them, embracing the difficult moments and the beautiful ones.

Merriam-Webster's definition of hero : a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability b : an illustrious warrior c : a person admired for his achievements and noble qualities d : one who shows great courage 

To be a hero - that's no small thing. Courage.  Achieving remarkable levels of progress.  Making a difference in everyone's life, no matter what the limitations. Remarkable people. They rise to the challenge. Heroes never give up. They exhibit a grace, quiet strength and humility that inspires others.

Heroes also live with a hopeful spirit.  They remember to play after a storm with a song in their heart. In this spirit of celebrating life, we applied for this cool thing called Littlest Heroes Project.  It's a nonprofit organization comprised of photographers who donate their time to provide photo sessions for little heroes throughout the country.  We were contacted in August by a volunteer, local photographer, Dorie Howell.  And she took gorgeous photos of us at Potomac Overlook Park. The moments she captured are snapshots in time that I will truly hold close to my heart forever. I can't rave enough about what a beautiful person Dorie is and how she has blessed so many families with her gift and art of photography. LJ is also going to be one of the feature stories on Littlest Heroes website (which just recently changed their name to Inspiration Through Art).  More on that soon.  First, here are the hero pix!

School Success

To end the week on a more positive note, day three of preschool for LJ (albeit traipsing to the bus in a monsoon) is going much better.  Do not believe the picture from Wednesday's post.  He has actually been smiling and enjoying his new friends.  Here's a work sheet from Ms. Julia detailing what he was up to today. I've been getting one of these updates every day and its a nice way stay connected and keep up with Lew's daily activities.  Ms. Julia also informed us that "Lewis didn't seem to want the pizza, ate all the yogurt and was not too interested in drinking.  He ate at midline successfully. He is happy communicating and enjoying his peers." Perhaps he didn't want the pizza because he was too busy coveting his neighbor's goldfish crackers.

And here's a photo of Lewis getting off the bus today. I guess he figures there's nothing to be afraid of now.  No use fighting it.  Let's get the show on the road.  No tears.  The sun is trying to peek through the clouds.  We are all EXHAUSTED but thankful. Deep breath.  Let it all out.

Ms Suzie and LJ

And as we reflect on being thankful, let's all tell our loved ones how much they mean to us.  Our heart goes out to my brother and sister-in-law, Jordan and Kara. Her dad fought a courageous battle with cancer since November 2010. We hope you and your family find strength & peace during this difficult time. Please keep them in your thoughts.

And We're Off!

BEFORE:  Come on, Mom! Hurry up and take the picture.

AFTER: An exhausted, but happy kiddo!

BEFORE THE BUS

No. Stop. Wait.  I Don't Wanna Go!

Change is destabilizing.  It takes courage to explore something new.  Letting go of old things and accepting new things feels a little uneasy and I'm really proud of my boys.  Summer is officially over. All of us moved a few steps forward leaving behind our ball of nerves. Nate questioned whether I could "tell school I need 600 more weeks of home?"  In that same breath he told me he never had rest time at camp so why on Earth does he have to rest at school!  I knew it would be wonderful but I still can't quiet my mind.  Will my boys be safe? Will they be happy?  Will they make friends? Will they be well-nourished? I don't think many parents every really let go of these questions do they?

And on that note, Nate went to his first day of Kindergarten, Lewis went to his new preschool & Josh and I go of some of our fears and worries. We had to let go of Nate and LJ's hands today and let them learn from their personal experiences and figure out how to relate to them on their own.  We had to convince them that we were still right there for them, even if we couldn't hold their hand in the moment we were their number one cheerleader.

They both got to do some back-to-school shopping, got new backpacks and today they both got to ride the bus!  Nate has always wanted to ride the bus ever since we moved into our current house and took our first neighborhood walk together. He wondered aloud why he couldn't ride that bus and I assured him, one day...when he was old enough he would finally be able to ride the bus.  That day finally arrived and he was not disappointed. Didi & Bop greeted him at the bus stop yesterday after school, and then we had an impromptu ice cream party at Baskin Robbins.  Vanilla ice cream with gummy bears makes everyone feel special.

Despite LJ's screaming, crying, bucking fit on the bus as it took off down our road this morning, we are okay. I cried, he cried (though I put on a brave face for the kids) and Nate wanted to find a patrol guard to be LJ's buddy so he wouldn't be upset.  For the record there is another adult on the bus assisting the kids as the driver goes about their route. The new wheelchair didn't arrive in time, so Lewis rode on the bus in his old one.  Luckily, I had taken it apart and deep cleaned it this weekend!  Despite a chaotic, early morning of time constraints and tired, uncooperative boys, we are okay. We got through it and tomorrow will be a little easier for us all because of it. If not? We can always change the plan.

I am filled with wonder as we embark on a new school year. I believe in positive change. We are growing in mind, body and spirit and that means progress.  We have the strength to learn and teach ourselves. We trust in change (I just worry a lot).

See me smiling; see me celebrating. I'm excited about the Fall!

All Of Us