Feeding His Imagination

Bread Chronicles Part Trois: Nate Making Challah (yep, he practically sleeps with those Curious George rain boots!)

Nate: Mommy, look at mine. It's a mountain. This is how you climb it. And this is how you squeeze it. But then you fall off of it.

Me: What happens when you squeeze it?

Nate: You go to the doctor.

Me: Why do you go to the doctor?

Nate: Because you get a big big boo boo. Mommy, let me see yours. Look at mine, it's beautiful.
Baking. Check.

Now, I'm not a big knitter ...more of an almost knitter. When I started this project for Lewis, sometime almost two years ago, in my head I had plenty of time to sit and knit (it's good to dream). I could see it clear as day, but it's not where I ended up. In fact, I only completed the body of this doggy by the time LJ arrived on the scene. So for the past seven months I've been staring at the unfinished doggy head feeling incredibly guilty that I had knit a huge stuffed teddy bear for Nate when he was born but still hadn't tackled LJ's. But while I love knitting as a craft very much, I bit off more than I could chew with the degree of difficulty for this project's pattern. Ultimately I had to turn to the local, talented, and really big knitter **Didi** for an intervention. She (and Aunt Joanne blocked it) came to the rescue and helped me FINALLY complete Lewis' doggy. I couldn't be more pleased. Thank you.

Maybe I'll choose a more accessible project for my next craft.....

Upcoming Surgery

So we sought a second surgical opinion a few weeks back. And now the date is set to have another Gtube procedure. It's scheduled for Tuesday (thank goodness for that nice vacation!). I think about his upcoming surgery. I think about how he may be down for weeks. How he liked pureed sweet potatoes at one point. And now has such learned aversions you can't get near his mouth without him gagging most of the time. Lewis' neurological control may change as he ages which might contribute to his oral feeding difficulties (either more or less). From a surgical perspective, his stomach will be like a mine field..... but it is our hope that this surgery will buy us some time so we can make him more comfortable with oral feeding. At least until he is old enough to be "taught" at one of the local feeding programs (Kluge or Kennedy Krieger Centers).

Just when you think he is making steps forward we take some back while we are at it. He'll probably be in the hospital for three days. It's even possible that if the gtube button won't work they will have to put the tube into his intestines... It makes me nervous thinking that all this progress he has made will have been for nothing being laid up with more surgery. He will not be strong enough for therapy for a little while. But I am reminded and tenderly assured that he is a trooper and will pull through it.

Hello Sunshine

For me the week was about the littlest things. Absolutely thrilled to have a break from the daily grind. For starters, the plane ride down went pretty well. LJ was crying until the benadryl kicked in. First three days of vacay we had a black cloud over us. Seriously, so much rain the streets flooded. Nate was singing the "Rain rain go away" song on repeat.

as seen from Mandalay Avenue

We're all about sunshine. And we're not looking back.

Cousins...aren't they so cute?

my boy and the beach

frankie says relax

I am now ready to take on the world. I'm ready now. I can take it. I've had some sleep, loads of food (including my favorite Grouper sandwich at Frenchy's), plus some time in the ocean, building sandcastles, floating in the pool and r&r with the fam and friends.

La La Land

We're due for a change of scenery. We're excited to be heading to Florida to visit my fam. We might need some intervention after the flight with both our guys. Should be interesting to see since Noodles won't nurse, take a bottle or a pacifier and his sinuses will probably kill with his NG tube in place (hopefully a little Benadryl will quiet him down) if his ears pop and get too uncomfortable...and since he always has to be bopped and bounced when he cries (sitting just won't do). The light at the end of the tunnel: lobster dinners, beach blanket cuddles and hopefully some zzzzz's (as well as spending time with a few of my favorite ladies). I can't wait to pay the beach a visit. I love the sound of the waves. How it can be haunting, peaceful, playful and beautiful all at once. We're off to soak in the sunshine and blue skies.

Photo Opp

Lewis pulled out his tube this morning. Took a photo opp. Check him out.

The quick update is that we are seeking a second opinion for Lew's surgery. We will meet with another surgeon tomorrow morning. More updates as soon as we know what we're doin'....

Wee Bitty Hospital Gown

waiting for Flouroscopy; Children's National Medical Center

Dr. Surgeon scheduled Lewis for a bunch of GI studies today at Children's National Medical Center to get a better picture of his stomach (no pun intended). Using flouroscopy the doctors were able to tell us how his stomach was healing. We couldn't feed him anything for six hours before the test. Unfortunately we had to wait a long time past our appointment (which was 2pm). And then they had to inject barium (they made us put the hospital gown on him so we didn't get his matchy matchy outfit all dirty from the barium) to see the contrast of die in his tummy. And then we had to wait another hour before more xrays could be taken. And then....We left the hospital at 7pm. Luckily the technician thought correctly that we could start feeding Lewis at 5:00pm so he didn't crank a huge fuss on the trip home. The radiologist told us he didn't see anything alarming, but we have to wait until our GI appointment tomorrow for the real results. We'll find out whether we can proceed with the Gtube surgery or if we're stuck with a Jtube. We're still doing research and trying to find out what is the best approach. Lew is doing just fine and is making zzzz's right about now.

Scooching...

my little man is not quite a torpedo on his knees, but he does manage to turn himself 180 degrees as well as getting himself off the activity mat.

Mother's Day Reflections

My mother: is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen + is the reason i am a good mother + reminds me everyday that life is what we make of it + she is the woman that i most admire + she is one of the world's biggest worriers i know + my light + my rock + my mother.

I love you for always being able to see the good and hope in hopelessness. I love realizing more and more each year how much of you is in me. I love you Mom!

Me: What do you want to say to your grandmas?
Nate and LJ: Hi Nanny and Didi. Happy Mother's Day!
P.S. Send candy (what a cool mom for actually writing that:)

As for my mother-in-law, I completely lucked out on her... She's one of the most selfless, lovely women around. She has a TON of skills and talent (which she graciously showers on her adoring grandsons!) Didi, you are wonderful, amazing, smart and pretty.

And on this Mother's Day, I have an amazing testament to motherly love and the courageous lengths that we all go to bring our babies into the world...no matter how they arrive. The discovery of motherhood has encompassed the joys and trials and personal growth of being in the moment. My one wish to have my boys hug me and be by my side on this holiday has been fulfilled.

Flying Solo

I've been on my own with the boys since Saturday morning. I am out of control, not my usual self. Nate professed that he misses his Daddy very much, and so do we. We started off the weekend when LJ and I accompanied Nate to his swim lesson on Saturday where we proudly watched him blow bubbles, kick his legs and doggie paddle. A surprise trip to urgent care on Sunday a.m.- Lewis is fine. Just a bit of an adverse reaction to the switch we made to his milk fortification (in an effort to help him gain weight)! One stool sample (on the remote chance it was a C. difficile infection. No it's not of Spanish descent. It's actually a bacterial infection of the GI tract) and a blood test later (results were normal), we've since changed the powder formula to a hypoallergenic formula which seems to have helped. (Nate once again made sure Mr. Pediatrician wasn't giving Noodles any vaccines:)

Nanny flew in Monday night to help us keep the house clean and stick to our usual routines. However, I've enjoyed hanging out in our pj's late into the morning, dance parties, dining on cereal at all hours of the day (I've had no menus planned) and getting lots done in the evening. But with Josh away, I have no one to get the coffee going in the morning and especially no one to share the middle of the night partying oh I mean feeding responsibilities. Though we've had visitors- Auntie Joanne came one night and read Nate bedtime stories...freeing me up to give LJ a massage. Nanny has been great for enabling me to get a shower in the morning after the boys have woken up (typically a luxury since Josh has gone to work v. early), been fun hanging out and helping out with loads of laundry!

Seven days? Panic came first and I asked the babysitter if she could come often- we settled for two days this week. But since that initial moment we've been filling the time with lots of activities and outings. I'm not like a deer in headlights at all. The dining room turned into an art studio and the outside patio turned into our chalk canvas. Lego creations have been prolific. We've missed Josh and we're ready for him to come home soon. But this little experiment has proven to me that I don't have to be a perfect mom or do things a certain way. I'm not myself. Sure there were occasional meltdowns, but I've actually been more relaxed.