LJ at Hungry Hippos with friends, G and Tracy_March 11, 2011 (29 months) from Jenn S on Vimeo.
Food picnic at therapy today included strawberries, orange wedges, a peanut granola bar, veggie straws and goat cheese crumbles. Lew did great- he was ready to dive right in even before our friend, G, arrived. It was bittersweet today, since we have to take a break from Hungry Hippos for a little while. The reason is because the tube whisperer, Markus, is coming to help Jeni wean LJ from his feeding tube. He'll be here April 7th for two weeks!
So Markus is coming. Why am I so scared? Propelled by an uneasy present, the future is once again storming in on me. Will our son ever eat (truly eat) pizza, mac n cheese, tater tots, french fries, hamburgers, chocolate chip cookies, dumplings, sushi or roasted chicken? I feel sad for the months and years he's missed sharing any of his brother's favorite foods and all those similar food experiences. The cute little play "Food Face" plates I bought are missing all their facial hair, bad hairdos and eye patches! To us, our kitchen and dining room are our home. We're "foodies"- we like to cook and we love to eat almost anything (except red peppers) gourmand. And thus my dilemma. I'm really trying to reframe our story and have a positive attitude without being obsessed with food. It's obviously about the food....but its also about the fun...and the enjoyment.
and when you're up you're up and when you're down you're down
and when you're only half way up you're neither up nor down
That's why I'm scared. I have no control. I cannot force him to eat spaghetti, garlic bread, or hot dogs nor pancakes drenched in syrup nor can I force him to drink a juice box, hot chocolate or milk. These are such normal things that I cannot have, he cannot have. I want each morsel of food to go in his little mouth. I want to explain to him where the food came from. I want to say "three more bites, and then you can have ice cream." Or when he gets sick, I want to be able to give him his children's Tylenol in that cute little plastic dosing cup (or better yet, homemade chicken noodle soup). I want to hear him nagging me in the cereal aisle for just one box of Fruity Loops puhleeeeeze. But I can't, not without a lot of hard work. And I like hard work. In fact, I like to work and I like a good challenge. You see, I have hope. I'm just afraid that it might not work and what will happen then? Let Round Two Begin. We'll have to wait and see.
I want this for LJ too. Stick with it and have faith.
ReplyDeleteWhile Marcus is here, just keep replaying Bob the Builder's theme song over and over again... "Can he fix it?? YES HE CAN!!" LJ has come SO incredibly far and there's no turning back. He has amazed us all up to this point beyond belief and I Have so much faith in my little nephew and in you, Jenn (and in Josh and Nate too)!!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it! Remember, even those of us who love food have setbacks on occasion...I keep reminding myself that food will hopefully be fun again when LJ and Nate's cousins are born. In the meanwhile, it helps to remember there are just things that are out of our control...
ReplyDeleteLove to you all...
Aunt Joanne
So excited for LJ!!! What amazing progress he has made, I see a little eater in there for sure :-) Enjoy Markus and take care - it's exhausting but 1000% worth it.
ReplyDeleteWow! He looks great. I love seeing the photos of what kinds of things you are doing with him with therapy. And it's really exciting to see his growth with food and even self feeding. Sebastian tried to feed himself something at school and he bit his thumb and then it got stuck and he hasn't tried since. It's tough, but you guys are doing great.
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