Snow Dance!

Bearing in mind the old phrase, "Wherever you go, there you are."  Starting from where we were,  and getting on track to the life of my dreams-becoming a ski bum (and also a painter).  Family vacations could just be the best cure if they could bottle up the cold, crisp Rocky Mountain air and magical, blue skies.  This kind of existence is blissful.

What I'm trying to say is that we stopped to try and enjoy the view.  We're taking the week off from therapies, school, appointment-making, shoveling, doctors, cleaning and errands.  We chose blue skies, fresh air and good people (Anna and my cousins:) to travel with to Park City, UT.  We'll get back to all that other stuff next week.  Instead we chose to embrace the magic of creating something that did not exist prior to us dreaming it up and making this here vacay happen!

“Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the people doing it.” 
- Chinese Proverb

I let go of the things I must do and shifted to the things I wanted to do.  I wanted to feel steady on my skis as my legs moved through the snow and my arms and poles flowed with the wind.  There is always space out in the vastness of the mountains.  I wanted to flow with the energy of the earth... to the sun... and sing my songs of pure, unabashedly, tone-deaf tunes as I let go of expectations for myself and carve tracks down the mountain channeling my inner child.  There is always space.  I let go of shoulda, coulda, woulda's.

We've had a wonderful time so far.  Moments I've wanted to pause, savor and remember.  The kids crunching snow underfoot.  The spirit of this town.  Roaring fires.  Games.  Birdsong from the woods lining the chair lift path.  Coming home exhausted from barreling down the slopes.  More-than-eager little boys here and there and everywhere.  Drinking it up, slowing it down, reveling in it, every last drop.

Go LJ go! With his new friends, Tom and Wendy.

Cousins at breakfast time! Mindcraft...

Getting on the lift with his new friends, Hunter and Adam!

We are so fortunate there are some really great people in this world- altering the trajectory of our world.  The folks at the National Ability Center have been amazing.   After last year's trip to Vermont, Nate was a real pro and LJ took to it well, just like we thought he might.  LJ took to it with even more enthusiasm than last year.  Nate happily volunteered to skip ski school the first two days and enter the fold of family skiing right by LJ's side.  So love!  We're so grateful. Thankful for all NAC volunteers' wide open hearts, patience, hands and strong quads! The adapted skiers and boarders were equally so inspiring giving LJ high fives and encouraging words of "right on, dude!" 

LJ Tree Skiing with Hunter

Nate the happy camper

Daft Punk LJ

Apres ski hot tub with Anna!

Huge thanks to all who give their time, talent and that make this sport possible and without barriers to all those who participate!

But as amazed as I am of LJ, his brother and his friends (and their turns), I still lost that dream that I initially had for them. My pain can only be measured in love, and both run deep. I lost something and it undeniably hurt and someday that hurt will slow down, fade, hopefully gracefully.  The biggest insight from from this ski trip is the idea of fragile beauty.  Now, I dream of the Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist, Alex Bilodeau honoring his brother Frederic, with CP, saying Frederic would have won three times over...and dream of that being my boys.  The interviews of Bilodeau warmed my heart and jerked tears from me.  Grateful tears mixed with the other.

It was just last week that I marveled as Nate supported LJ under his armpits, sock-clad and fresh snow fallen outside, skidding across the living room hard-wood floor and "rockin' it" to the finish line.  Such a wonderful duet. And surprisingly contrary to losing the dream, I have a different perspective. A new dream.  My dream gets a little crazy and I don't just dream I'm walking hand-in-hand with LJ and Nate.  I actually dream LJ is winning a gold medal.  And so is Nate.  And they are both actively participating and sharing their passion for the sport of skiing together.

But, as with all things, I have no idea where this adaptive skiing thing will lead.  For now, I keep practicing;  carrying helmets, poles and skis and doubling back for lost mittens and hats.  I'm carrying it all the way down the line straight to our own awards ceremony, standing on a kitchen stool as our awards podium.  My anthem is lots of kid laughter.

Without attachment to the end point.  "Wherever you go, there you are."  This moment is all we really have to work with.  I pick bliss. We will see where this leads.